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@DataRelater I don’t think you understood the message. You need to reflect on your knowledge and experience in working with or having kids with special needs and behavioral differences. If you give more poker chips (positive feedback), you will find every child and every person will be motivated to earn those poker chips!
He’s not offering a complete guide to parenting… he’s just saying be fair to your kids. How do those two end up with the top comments anyway? And if you learned anything new about parenting from this video you should probably not have kids.
@Leptomaca Thanks a lot for sharing this with us! Its just that I’m really into this subject these days, digging some things… 🙂
@tordajav When my daughter was little, besides love and encouraging, when she cried because someone called her stupid, I asked: are you stupid? she answered: no. Then, why are you crying? – I tried to teach her to be analytical, so that she learned to analyze herself, know herself and differentiate between a reasonable critic and a meaningless one. The thing is that I’m buddhist, so I believe in trying to see things as they really are, without prejudices. Now she’s 18 and happy. Worked for us.
@javieracing I think your perspective about children this young is right, I was thinking of older kids
@Leptomaca Can you please say something more about finding the value within ourselves?
@Leptomaca i agree. but i think this video is focused on those kids that are in primary or secondary school, when they´re still developing their self steem. When you are a kid, you need this kind of stimulation, especially from parents and teachers. So, when you´ve become an adult, you just wont have the need for this.
As a parent and a teacher I have turned to this video many times. As a teacher it’s inspired me to give kindness and remember that there’s a sensitive human being inside of every struggling student. As a parent it’s given me perspective on when to intervene and when to let things be. I first saw it almost ten years ago and since then have watched it every few months just to remember how important it is to generously give positive attention to all children.
The solution isn’t to give them more chips, that way they will always depend on other people to have self esteem. We should teach them to find the value within themselves, not outside.
Such a brilliant analogy. Everyone should have a chance to watch this.
Excellent video! A must for ALL parents to see…
@DataRelater From Copernicus to Richard Feynman (Cal Tech); from Francis Collins (head of human genome project and dropout) to Steve Jobs (Apple Computer, dropout) to Bill Gates (Microsoft; dropout) to Mike Lazaridis (BlackBerry/RIM; dropout) to Mick Jagger, people who are innovators and “their own person” are certainly not concerned with getting applause from others, my friend.
@DataRelater No, but it’s a really good way to mold someone into becoming externally focused for approval (i.e. insecure but obedient … a good soldier or corporate/intellectual slave) as opposed to being focused on what they find enjoyable and deriving pleasure/enjoyment from that.
La vida emocional no puede depender 100% de los demás porque así nos condenamos y condenamos a nuestros hijos a la infelicidad, a no estar nunca saciados. Es más fácil enseñar a vivir con menos fichas externas y a que fabriquen las propias. La cultura actual -decadente- quiere hacernos creer que la felicidad depende de otros, de las fichas que otros no den, que necesitamos más fichas de las realmente necesarias para vivir bien. Ser ejemplo de vivir con menos fichas y generar las propias.
good explenation… I agree
Es un fino equilibrio entre darle confianza para que crea en si mismo y progrese y hacerle creer que puede hacer lo que sea sin medir las consecuencias. Me parece una muy buena analogía.
Kids must learn EARLY to EARN respect. THAT will raise self-esteem. Modern psychology praises kids just for waking up, or arriving in class. In a job, bosses won’t do that!
Kids can earn respect by good grades, creativity, good deeds, great skills, sports, etc.
But life requires EFFORT and RESULTS to get respect. THEN you have self-esteem.
Tip: And when you find someone who always tries to slam you down, avoid them. They’re mentally sick, and they will ruin your positive outlook on life.
@DataRelater I didn’t some things that you just said. I’m interested in knowing about it. Could you explain it to me in another way?
We watched this in one of my early childhood classes last week and it really resonated with me. So glad I watched it, not only did it teach me about myself, but also to make sure I do the right thing for my own daughter.
He’s not wrong–but the segment dodges teaching kids to EARN their poker chips.
Equip the child to defend against esteem-vampires.
But teach that “Someday, a boss will reward whomever gets the most right answers, has better ideas, works hardest, motivates teams, and communicates best.”
Kids need real tasks that earn them the “poker chips” of a graduated allowance, movies, the new iPod. (And sometimes penalties.)
False “tasks” only stroke ego, they don’t build character or skills.
Great. Loved it. Allways thinking about my childs wellbeing. Thanks a lot. Dolores from Argentina.
Tell your kids the house always wins: over 9000 poker chips
Excellent it Made me think
@Gollywog realists suffer from the same ailment as pessimists. better have false hope than to know your limits
Good analogy, but don’t miss the point: analogies are ways to simplify reality, and may fail, because they’re are not reality. And I have to disagree with the idea of getting selfsteem depending on good things happening to you. Don’t we have any role in it? Is it uncontrollable? That’s not true, you are forgetting the processing of the child. Look at the ones that are unlikely to have many poker chips, but they have. Loom at the resilient ones that succeed in an adverse environment.